BEING A LOW LIFE

LET ME EXPLAIN SOMETHING TO YOU....I SHARE SOMETIMES AND SOMETIMES I DON'T. I PREFER TO KEEP IT TO MYSELF...WHATEVER.

SO - I AM NEEDING TO VENT RIGHT NOW..SO, WARNING, IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED, DON'T READ AND IF YOU ARE NOT, THEN WELCOME TO MY FREAKIN' F'ED UP WORLD! I WILL TRY NOT TO BE A CUSSING ALLOT, BUT - ANYWAY....WHAT IS FREAKING WRONG WITH ME...OMG!!!!

THE EFFIN' DOCTOR TOOK ME OF MY LEXAPRO WHICH WAS WORKING FINE AND PUT ME ASS ON CYMBALTA WHICH HE SAID WAS THE BEST...AND IT HELPED WITH MY PAIN...SO...OF FREAKIN' COURSE, I AM OUT. BUT, LATELY...SHIT FIRE AND SAVE THE MATCHES....DAMN IT...OKAY...LET'S JUST DIVE IN SHALL WE???


ABOUT 4 OR SO YEARS AGO, MAYBE MORE..I DON'T KNOW..I WAS WORKING AND SEEING A NEUROLOGIST FOR MY TN AND UNDIAGNOSED AT THE TIME OTHER PAIN. SHE GETS WORRIED ABOUT ME BECAUSE I COULDN'T REMEMBER SOMETHING AND ORDERED ME TO HAVE A PHYSC EVALUATION. I FREAKED OUT. WHAT THE HECK DO I NEED THAT FOR I WAS SAYING. SO, I TALKED TO THIS DOCTOR FOR THE EVALUATION AND SET UP THE STUPID APPOINTMENT...BUT AFRAID THEY'D DECLARE ME A NUT CASE, WHICH WE ALL KNOW I CLEARLY AM...I THOUGHT, SHE'D PUT ME AWAY. SO - I REFUSED TO GO...THIS WAS MY POINT OF VIEW....

I WAS MARRIED, HAD 5 KIDS I WAS RAISING, WORKED FULL TIME, HAD SPORTS, DINNER, AND MY HAVE TO PULL OUT THE SEX CANDY - YOU'D BE CRAZY TOO. I MEAN LEET'S GET REAL. I WAS NOT GOOD AT THE WHOLE WORKING MOM BULLSHIT. I JUST AM NOT CUT OUT TO HANDLE A TON OF PRESSURE I GUESS. I WORKED FINE, I WAS HANDLING EVERYTHING FINE, I JUST FORGOT WHAT SHE SAID...I MEAN REALLY, I WAS SEEING HER ONCE A MONTH. DON'T TELL ME I AM THE ONLY ONE IN THE FREE WORLD THAT FORGETS STUFF....SO - I DIDN'T GO...MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE, BECAUSE A BREAK IN THE NUT HOUSE FOR A FEW WEEKS SOUNDS REALLY GREAT RIGHT ABOUT NOW....

ANYWAY....ABOUT 2 YEARS AGO I GUESS..IT WAS BEFORE I MOVED HERE IN '07 I THINK. I TOLD MY DOCTOR I WAS HAVING A PROBLEM WITH LIFE. I CRIED ALL THE TIME. WAS HAVING TROUBLE COPING WITH THE IDIOT OUT OF PRISON AND STUFF, SO HE PUTS ME ON PAXIL. WE CALL IT MY CRAZY CANDY. I KNEW I WAS DEPRESSED. IN PAIN ALL THE TIME, CAN D THAT TO A PERSON. SO....I TOOK IT, I GOT BETTER. BUT, SO MUCH BETTER THAT I BECAME OVER TOLERANT. I JUST GOT TO THE POINT WHERE IT WAS OKAY..NO MATTER WHAT...THEN THE YOUNGER BOYS GOT AWAY WITH ALLOT MORE. I MEAN IT MELLOWED ME OUT SO BAD, THAT WHEN THE HOE NEXT DOOR CAME OVER AND ACTED LIKE A FREAKING NUT AND STARTED ATTACKING, I DIDN'T FIGHT BACK...YEA - SO, THE TEMPER WAS AT BAY, BUT I GAINED 40 LBS. THEN I STARTED SEEING THAD HERE IN WHITNEY. HE SAID, NO PAXIL AND GAVE ME LEXAPRO HE SAID THE PAXIL MAKES YOU GAIN WEIGHT...OH, THANKS TO THE OTHER DR. I WAS ALREADY FAT ENOUGH. DAMN, GUESS HE DIDN'T THINK SO. MAYBE HE WAS TURNED ON BY FAT ASSES...AND I HAD ONE...

SO, THE LEXAPRO, WELL LOST INSURANCE AND MY MOM GOT ME ON PROZAC. IT HELPED ME! I LOST WEIGHT AND WAS AMAZING. THEN INSURANCE IS BACK AND THEY TAKE ME OFF MY LEXAPRO AND PUT ME ON THEIS STUPID CYMBALTA WHICH MAKES ME FEEL AGITATED. LIKE I WANNA HURT SOMEONE OR MYSELF...JUST SOMETHING....SO, NOW I MA OUT AND STARTING TO FEEL MORE UGGGGG

BUT SINCE I BEEN ON THE CYMBALTA IT REALLY HAS MADE ME BLUNT AND OUTSPOKEN AGAIN. WHEN BEFORE I WAS CALM, COLLECTED AND FINE. BUT THAT STUPID AUNT FLOW SHOWS UP AGAIN AND I RIDE THE CRIMSON TIDE BEING PISSED OFF. SO MAYBE IT'S PMS???

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS, BUT I KNOW I AM FREAKING OUT. I KNOW THAT I AM READY TO SCREAM, HIT, SOMETHING...I NEED SOMETHING TO DESTROY...LOL.....SO STAY THE "F" OUT MY WAY TODAY...LOL - I AM KIDDING..

I AM NOT TRYING TO BE SO BLUNT AND MEAN. I FEEL RUTHLESS, AND ANGRY. I FEEL AGRIVATED AND PISSED OFF...WHAT DO I DO?