Posts
There are so many times that I look in the wrong direction and see that I should have been there all along. Have you ever done that? Being on a path and walking along fine until you stumble and look around at things around you and you start digging around that other side and realize, that you were on the wrong path and should have been there all along.
It's cold outside. Another cold front has brought in freezing temps. I hurt so bad this week it was nuts, even after the rain it didn't stop until finally the cold front came through. But, not great either though. It lifted some, and the pain was then more manageable. I hate this cold weather like this. Actually, my hot natured self loves the cold crisp air, but I hate what it does to me as it's making its way through the town I live in. Finally my bones begin to stop aching and I can not worry so much about hurting so badly. It's almost like a relief for a few hours, then of course I start having pain due to the cold air around me. I can't win for loosing. So - let me scoot off here and I shall return soon...thanks for reading!
Friday, January 29, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
Working through the frustration
Frustration is high in the list right now. I find myself feeling more and more guilty and I can't take it anymore. I have reached a point in my life where I believe it's time for change. Something has to give and break at some point. I just need to find my way to the top.
Sometimes I feel like I am being controlled. I don't know our financial situation, I don't know our bills, what's in our account. I don't have a license to drive myself anywhere. This is going to change. I am making my mind up right here and now.
Damn it - this is my life too. I have every right to enjoy it just like anyone else.
I will start making the changes and plans that need to be made. I have things that have to come first in my life. I will not bow any longer. Not to anyone! I deserve to live in happiness and its up to me to make myself happy. My happiness doesn't depend on anyone else but me!
Sometimes I feel like I am being controlled. I don't know our financial situation, I don't know our bills, what's in our account. I don't have a license to drive myself anywhere. This is going to change. I am making my mind up right here and now.
Damn it - this is my life too. I have every right to enjoy it just like anyone else.
I will start making the changes and plans that need to be made. I have things that have to come first in my life. I will not bow any longer. Not to anyone! I deserve to live in happiness and its up to me to make myself happy. My happiness doesn't depend on anyone else but me!
Changes on Purpose
I need to begin to start taking my health seriously. I want to be different, do more, be better. I want to be independent. First of changes would be to start changing eating habits. Fresh fruits and veggies need to top my list and I will begin V8 since its a liquid form of veggies. Its not about weight anymore, it's about health. I will purchase things to help me with exercise and work toward making it a part of my everyday life. I must overcome this bowel problem. I must look past the fear of the colonoscopy and get it done already. I must do things on purpose!
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Welcome to My Purpose Journal
I write in my online journal on a regular basis. I needed somewhere to place this journal writing to where it could be retrieved in case my computer crashed.
This is my life on purpose journal. Living my life on purpose and with purpose.
I give of myself and I really destroy some walls I have built throughout this journal.
I open it up for you - but, I ask for no disrespectful comments please!
This is my life on purpose journal. Living my life on purpose and with purpose.
I give of myself and I really destroy some walls I have built throughout this journal.
I open it up for you - but, I ask for no disrespectful comments please!
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Making your own Laundry Soap
10 + 1 LAUNDRY SOAP RECIPES –
These were found online by searching for Laundry Soap Recipes
Before I share what we have done with the making of our soap. I wanted to share that these recipes were found by searching. I felt instead of only sharing our Recipes, I would search and share more and give that op for them. So this way you have a choice. This was an easy recipe for me; I already had most on the ingredients at home. In fact I did some research myself. I found that many sites said there was a difference between washing soda and baking soda, but in fact – I read different. I couldn’t find the washing soda here on the shelves of our stores in the laundry isle. I thought, maybe it was the same thing, baking soda and washing soda, so I used baking soda. To be frank - I am not the type of person that will take the time to order it online. So, with further research, I found the reason the soap came out well and worked well. So – here’s a tib-bit of information for you when it comes to the washing soda verses baking soda.
Here’s what I found on more than one web site.
I found that if you heat baking soda to 350 - 400 degrees it quickly turns into washing soda. I boiled my water while watching the temperature, once the water heated to 355 I added baking soda. Much to my surprise it quickly became soapy but it also swelled and erupted like a volcano. I have made a mess not remembering this tiny bit of information too So, always if you are using baking Soda you need to have a deep boiling pot because when you add the baking soda it reacts like a volcano. Other than this my recipe came out great and my clothes are CLEAN. I have been doing this from the first time I started making soap and with no problems.
We have been making our own laundry soap for one year this month. This was my new years resolution for the year 2009. We bought laundry soap every two weeks, as well as dryer sheets, and fabric softener which cost us approximately $40 to $50 each month. So, I saved $50 each month which saved us $600 for the year. With the savings we bought the kids a PS3.
With that said here is our recipe and the other recipes we found:
KNIGHT CABIN HOMEMADE LAUNDRY SOAP RECIPE
5 gallon bucket
Large boiling pot
2 cups of borax
2 cups of Baking soda
1 bar of Zote (79 cents from local grocery store)
2 to 3 bars of Glycerin Dial bar soap OR
Essential oil approx. 25 to 35 drops (can be found in the craft area of Wal-mart for about $2)
*We add Oxy Clean as well and we put in one to 1 ½ cups of Oxy Clean per 5 gallon bucket*
1. Grate your soap bars – Either by peeling it like a potato, using a grater or food possessor
Add the pieces of soap to the very large boiling pot with about 5 cups of water and heat to boiling
2. Stir constantly and make sure the soap melts completely. Be sure to have a large boiling
Pot because the Baking Soda will erupt like a volcano when you add it to hit water. If you have a cooking temperature then you can make sure the mixture has reached at least 355 degrees to make the baking soda do what it suppose to do.
3. Add the Borax, Baking Soda, Oxy if you use it to your liquid mixture in the boiling pot and stir well to make sure the entire mixture is mixed well together.
4. Pour the mixture into your 5 gallon bucket. Stir well.
5. Add water to fill the 5 gallon bucket up
6. Do Not add the essential oil drops until the mixture has cooled.
7. The bubbles will take a little while to go away so check back a few times and you may have to add more water to fill the bucket.
8. Allow the mixture to cool overnight or for about 6 – 8 hrs. The mixture will gel, and when you stir it may be lumpy. This isn’t harmful. We have an extra large hand held mixer we use. So, we are lump free, but I wasn’t for the first few sets. You can use a blender, your mixer even to mix it well and take out lumps.
9. To Concentrate or Not to Concentrate: This is for personal satisfaction. Once the 5 gallon bucket has cooled and gelled and you make your mind up - at 5his state it is concentrated, you can use it concentrated or you can stretch the dollar and make 10 gallons of this 5 gallon bucket. Obviously if you add more water to it – it will last longer.
10. Containers: If you have empty containers and you want to dilute it, simply fill the container half full of the mixture and make sure you have smoothed it out with a hand held mixer, a blender, something along those lines and then add water to the other half and fill it up. It will be ready to use immediately.
o We don’t dilute it. We smooth the mixture and use it concentrated. We believe it cleans the clothes better. This is just our personal preference.
In these recipes the Bar Soap refers to Laundry Bar Soap: Zote, Fels, Naptha etc.
Recipe 1
1 quart Water (boiling)
2 cups Bar soap (grated) (Laundry Bar Soap – Zote, Fels Naptha etc. Found in laundry isle)
2 cups Borax
2 cups Washing Soda
1. Add finely grated bar soap to the boiling water and stir until soap is melted. You can keep on low heat until soap is melted.Pour the soap water into a large, clean pail and add the Borax and Washing Soda. Stir well until all is dissolved.
2. Add 2 gallons of water, stir until well mixed.
3. Cover pail and use 1/4 cup for each load of laundry. Stir the soap each time you use it (will gel).
Recipe 2
Hot water
1 cup Washing Soda
1/2 cup Borax
1 Soap bar (Laundry Bar of Soap – Zote, Fels Naptha etc.)
1. Grate the bar soap and add to a large saucepan with hot water. Stir over medium-low heat until soap dissolves and is melted.
2. Fill a 10 gallon pail half full of hot water. Add the melted soap, Borax and Washing soda, stir well until all powder is dissolved. Top the pail up with more hot water.
3. Use 1 cup per load, stirring soap before each use (will gel).
Recipe 3
Hot water
1/2 cup Washing Soda
1/2 cup Borax
1/3 bar Soap (grated)
1. In a large pot, heat 3 pints of water. Add the grated bar soap and stir until melted. Then add the washing soda and borax. Stir until powder is dissolved, then remove from heat.
2. In a 2 gallon clean pail, pour 1 quart of hot water and add the heated soap mixture. Top pail with cold water and stir well.
3. Use 1/2 cup per load, stirring soap before each use (will gel).
Powdered Laundry Detergent – Recipe 4
2 cups Fels Naptha Soap (finely grated – you could also try the other bar soaps listed at the top)
1 cup Washing Soda
1 cup Borax
1. Mix well and store in an airtight plastic container.
2. Use 2 tablespoons per full load.
Recipe 5
Hot water
1 bar (4.5 oz) Ivory Soap – grated
1 cup Washing Soda
1. In a large saucepan add grated soap and enough hot water to cover. Heat over medium-low heat and stir until soap is melted.
2. Fill a large pail with 2.5 gallons of hot water, add hot soap mixture. Stir until well mixed.
3. Then add the washing soda, again stirring until well mixed.
4. Set aside to cool.
5. Use 1/2 cup per full load, stirring well before each use (will gel)
Recipe 6
2.5 gallons Water (hot)
1 Bar soap (grated)
3/4 cup Washing Soda
3/4 cup Borax
2 TBS Glycerin
1. Melt bar soap over medium-low heat topped with water, stir until soap is melted.
2. In a large pail, pour 2.5 gallons of hot water, add melted soap mixture, washing soda, borax and glycerin. Mix well.
3. Use 1/2 cup per full load.
Recipe 7
2 cups Bar soap (grated)
2 cups Washing Soda
2 – 2.5 gallons hot water
1. Melt grated soap in saucepan with water to cover. Heat over medium-low heat and stir until soap is dissolved.
2. Pour hot water in large pail, add hot soap and washing soda. Stir very well.
3. Use 1 cup per full load.
Recipe 8
2 gallons Water (hot)
1 bar Soap (grated)
2 cups Baking soda (yes baking soda this time–not washing soda)
1. Melt grated soap in a saucepan with enough hot water to cover. Cook on medium-low heat, stirring frequently until soap is melted.
2. In a large pail, pour 2 gallons hot water. Add melted soap, stir well.
3. Then add the baking soda, stir well again.
4. Use 1/2 cup per full load, 1 cup per very soiled load.
Powdered Laundry Detergent – Recipe 9
12 cups Borax
8 cups Baking Soda
8 cups Washing Soda
8 cups Bar soap (grated)
1. Mix all ingredients well and store in a sealed tub.
2. Use 1/8 cup of powder per full load.
Recipe 10 – (Powdered)
1 cup Vinegar (white)
1 cup Baking Soda
1 cup Washing Soda
1/4 cup liquid castile soap
1. Mix well and store in sealed container.
2. I find it easiest to pour the liquid soap into the bowl first, stirred in the washing soda, then baking soda, then added the vinegar in small batches at a time (the recipe foams up at first). The mixture is a thick paste at first that will break down into a heavy powdered detergent, just keep stirring. There may be some hard lumps, try to break them down when stirring (it really helps to make sure the baking soda isn’t clumpy when first adding). I used 1/2 cup per full load with great results.
LIQUID DETERGENTS NOTE
Soap will be lumpy, goopy and gel-like. This is normal. Just give it a good stir before using. Make sure soap is covered with a lid when not in use. You could also pour the homemade soap in old (and cleaned) laundry detergent bottles and shake well before each use.
*If you can’t find Fels-Naptha locally, you can buy it online (check Amazon). Zote Laundry Bar Soap can be found in the laundry area and works as great as Fels-Naptha. I personally use the Zote bar.
OPTIONAL
You can add between 10 to 15 drops of essential oil (per 2 gallons) to your homemade laundry detergent. Add once the soap has cooled to room temperature. Stir well and cover.
Essential oil ideas: lavender, rosemary, tea tree oil
*Admin Update: clarified instructions for Recipe #10 and liquid detergent notes.
These were found online by searching for Laundry Soap Recipes
Before I share what we have done with the making of our soap. I wanted to share that these recipes were found by searching. I felt instead of only sharing our Recipes, I would search and share more and give that op for them. So this way you have a choice. This was an easy recipe for me; I already had most on the ingredients at home. In fact I did some research myself. I found that many sites said there was a difference between washing soda and baking soda, but in fact – I read different. I couldn’t find the washing soda here on the shelves of our stores in the laundry isle. I thought, maybe it was the same thing, baking soda and washing soda, so I used baking soda. To be frank - I am not the type of person that will take the time to order it online. So, with further research, I found the reason the soap came out well and worked well. So – here’s a tib-bit of information for you when it comes to the washing soda verses baking soda.
Here’s what I found on more than one web site.
I found that if you heat baking soda to 350 - 400 degrees it quickly turns into washing soda. I boiled my water while watching the temperature, once the water heated to 355 I added baking soda. Much to my surprise it quickly became soapy but it also swelled and erupted like a volcano. I have made a mess not remembering this tiny bit of information too So, always if you are using baking Soda you need to have a deep boiling pot because when you add the baking soda it reacts like a volcano. Other than this my recipe came out great and my clothes are CLEAN. I have been doing this from the first time I started making soap and with no problems.
We have been making our own laundry soap for one year this month. This was my new years resolution for the year 2009. We bought laundry soap every two weeks, as well as dryer sheets, and fabric softener which cost us approximately $40 to $50 each month. So, I saved $50 each month which saved us $600 for the year. With the savings we bought the kids a PS3.
With that said here is our recipe and the other recipes we found:
KNIGHT CABIN HOMEMADE LAUNDRY SOAP RECIPE
5 gallon bucket
Large boiling pot
2 cups of borax
2 cups of Baking soda
1 bar of Zote (79 cents from local grocery store)
2 to 3 bars of Glycerin Dial bar soap OR
Essential oil approx. 25 to 35 drops (can be found in the craft area of Wal-mart for about $2)
*We add Oxy Clean as well and we put in one to 1 ½ cups of Oxy Clean per 5 gallon bucket*
1. Grate your soap bars – Either by peeling it like a potato, using a grater or food possessor
Add the pieces of soap to the very large boiling pot with about 5 cups of water and heat to boiling
2. Stir constantly and make sure the soap melts completely. Be sure to have a large boiling
Pot because the Baking Soda will erupt like a volcano when you add it to hit water. If you have a cooking temperature then you can make sure the mixture has reached at least 355 degrees to make the baking soda do what it suppose to do.
3. Add the Borax, Baking Soda, Oxy if you use it to your liquid mixture in the boiling pot and stir well to make sure the entire mixture is mixed well together.
4. Pour the mixture into your 5 gallon bucket. Stir well.
5. Add water to fill the 5 gallon bucket up
6. Do Not add the essential oil drops until the mixture has cooled.
7. The bubbles will take a little while to go away so check back a few times and you may have to add more water to fill the bucket.
8. Allow the mixture to cool overnight or for about 6 – 8 hrs. The mixture will gel, and when you stir it may be lumpy. This isn’t harmful. We have an extra large hand held mixer we use. So, we are lump free, but I wasn’t for the first few sets. You can use a blender, your mixer even to mix it well and take out lumps.
9. To Concentrate or Not to Concentrate: This is for personal satisfaction. Once the 5 gallon bucket has cooled and gelled and you make your mind up - at 5his state it is concentrated, you can use it concentrated or you can stretch the dollar and make 10 gallons of this 5 gallon bucket. Obviously if you add more water to it – it will last longer.
10. Containers: If you have empty containers and you want to dilute it, simply fill the container half full of the mixture and make sure you have smoothed it out with a hand held mixer, a blender, something along those lines and then add water to the other half and fill it up. It will be ready to use immediately.
o We don’t dilute it. We smooth the mixture and use it concentrated. We believe it cleans the clothes better. This is just our personal preference.
In these recipes the Bar Soap refers to Laundry Bar Soap: Zote, Fels, Naptha etc.
Recipe 1
1 quart Water (boiling)
2 cups Bar soap (grated) (Laundry Bar Soap – Zote, Fels Naptha etc. Found in laundry isle)
2 cups Borax
2 cups Washing Soda
1. Add finely grated bar soap to the boiling water and stir until soap is melted. You can keep on low heat until soap is melted.Pour the soap water into a large, clean pail and add the Borax and Washing Soda. Stir well until all is dissolved.
2. Add 2 gallons of water, stir until well mixed.
3. Cover pail and use 1/4 cup for each load of laundry. Stir the soap each time you use it (will gel).
Recipe 2
Hot water
1 cup Washing Soda
1/2 cup Borax
1 Soap bar (Laundry Bar of Soap – Zote, Fels Naptha etc.)
1. Grate the bar soap and add to a large saucepan with hot water. Stir over medium-low heat until soap dissolves and is melted.
2. Fill a 10 gallon pail half full of hot water. Add the melted soap, Borax and Washing soda, stir well until all powder is dissolved. Top the pail up with more hot water.
3. Use 1 cup per load, stirring soap before each use (will gel).
Recipe 3
Hot water
1/2 cup Washing Soda
1/2 cup Borax
1/3 bar Soap (grated)
1. In a large pot, heat 3 pints of water. Add the grated bar soap and stir until melted. Then add the washing soda and borax. Stir until powder is dissolved, then remove from heat.
2. In a 2 gallon clean pail, pour 1 quart of hot water and add the heated soap mixture. Top pail with cold water and stir well.
3. Use 1/2 cup per load, stirring soap before each use (will gel).
Powdered Laundry Detergent – Recipe 4
2 cups Fels Naptha Soap (finely grated – you could also try the other bar soaps listed at the top)
1 cup Washing Soda
1 cup Borax
1. Mix well and store in an airtight plastic container.
2. Use 2 tablespoons per full load.
Recipe 5
Hot water
1 bar (4.5 oz) Ivory Soap – grated
1 cup Washing Soda
1. In a large saucepan add grated soap and enough hot water to cover. Heat over medium-low heat and stir until soap is melted.
2. Fill a large pail with 2.5 gallons of hot water, add hot soap mixture. Stir until well mixed.
3. Then add the washing soda, again stirring until well mixed.
4. Set aside to cool.
5. Use 1/2 cup per full load, stirring well before each use (will gel)
Recipe 6
2.5 gallons Water (hot)
1 Bar soap (grated)
3/4 cup Washing Soda
3/4 cup Borax
2 TBS Glycerin
1. Melt bar soap over medium-low heat topped with water, stir until soap is melted.
2. In a large pail, pour 2.5 gallons of hot water, add melted soap mixture, washing soda, borax and glycerin. Mix well.
3. Use 1/2 cup per full load.
Recipe 7
2 cups Bar soap (grated)
2 cups Washing Soda
2 – 2.5 gallons hot water
1. Melt grated soap in saucepan with water to cover. Heat over medium-low heat and stir until soap is dissolved.
2. Pour hot water in large pail, add hot soap and washing soda. Stir very well.
3. Use 1 cup per full load.
Recipe 8
2 gallons Water (hot)
1 bar Soap (grated)
2 cups Baking soda (yes baking soda this time–not washing soda)
1. Melt grated soap in a saucepan with enough hot water to cover. Cook on medium-low heat, stirring frequently until soap is melted.
2. In a large pail, pour 2 gallons hot water. Add melted soap, stir well.
3. Then add the baking soda, stir well again.
4. Use 1/2 cup per full load, 1 cup per very soiled load.
Powdered Laundry Detergent – Recipe 9
12 cups Borax
8 cups Baking Soda
8 cups Washing Soda
8 cups Bar soap (grated)
1. Mix all ingredients well and store in a sealed tub.
2. Use 1/8 cup of powder per full load.
Recipe 10 – (Powdered)
1 cup Vinegar (white)
1 cup Baking Soda
1 cup Washing Soda
1/4 cup liquid castile soap
1. Mix well and store in sealed container.
2. I find it easiest to pour the liquid soap into the bowl first, stirred in the washing soda, then baking soda, then added the vinegar in small batches at a time (the recipe foams up at first). The mixture is a thick paste at first that will break down into a heavy powdered detergent, just keep stirring. There may be some hard lumps, try to break them down when stirring (it really helps to make sure the baking soda isn’t clumpy when first adding). I used 1/2 cup per full load with great results.
LIQUID DETERGENTS NOTE
Soap will be lumpy, goopy and gel-like. This is normal. Just give it a good stir before using. Make sure soap is covered with a lid when not in use. You could also pour the homemade soap in old (and cleaned) laundry detergent bottles and shake well before each use.
*If you can’t find Fels-Naptha locally, you can buy it online (check Amazon). Zote Laundry Bar Soap can be found in the laundry area and works as great as Fels-Naptha. I personally use the Zote bar.
OPTIONAL
You can add between 10 to 15 drops of essential oil (per 2 gallons) to your homemade laundry detergent. Add once the soap has cooled to room temperature. Stir well and cover.
Essential oil ideas: lavender, rosemary, tea tree oil
*Admin Update: clarified instructions for Recipe #10 and liquid detergent notes.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Friday, January 8, 2010
Tracy Opinions: Support the Teachers, Principals and Staff
I just feel this is a subject great to blog about. I have had 5 in school for some time now. I have graduated children as well as kids in high school now and I have had my share of teacher meetings and principal phones calls to have an opinion here.
I certainly believe that our children do not own the right to treat teachers, principals, coaches, and school staff with disrespect. I don't care if they are feeling judged or getting unfair treatment, that's when they should go to the parent, not take care of it themselves. I believe that the adults shouldn't mistreat the children either. I believe they should remain fair at all times. But, they are human.
If you had a room of 22 students and you have a continuous problem with one student, it seems to be resolved after talking to the parents, then it starts again, and you battle with the same child every time he's in your class, well, you begin to get frustrated with this kid. You would become agitated, you would begin to be hard and cold to that same child because of the problems he/she has caused. Do I blame them, no - I blame the child without a doubt.
That teacher standing at the front of the room is due respect at all times. There should be no reasons why a child should disrespect an adult, and especially not a teacher or any school staff. If your child can't behave and allow others to learn as well as allow the adult to do their job then the child should be removed. Not because of the child, but, out of respect for the teacher or authority figure they are answering to. Children need to learn that no matter what they do, they must answer to someone for the rest of their lives. Even if you choose not to work and/or continue education you will have to answer to yourself. They need to learn that happiness is their responsibility, it's not up to someone else to make you happy. Being happy comes from finding yourself, it's not something you read from a book, it's finding out who you are inside.
Teens really struggle here. They are to the point where they feel they can make their own decisions, that they can act like adults now by cussing, smoking, doing drugs, drinking, and the list goes on and on. I started smoking when I was 16, because I thought I was grown and could do that. Now, hindsight, 20 years later, I wish I would have never started. The try things and develop habits around this time allot of times. You may or may not be able to control that. I was a mother that said never.
My child will never do this or that, but, they have sure done this and that. The one thing my children have managed, is not having children too early. I am so proud of that. I believe that they will bring me grand babies. I just know they will. I can't wait to have them to spoil rotten. But when they are ready, not when I am ready.
I have pulled a child from a school because of the child not the school. Don't be ignorant and think that its the school responsibility to make it work for your unruly child. Think about it. Don't look at it your way - take yourself out. Think of a friend and their kids, if it were them and your friend asked advice, what would you tell them? What would you do if it were any other child? Think about that. It's the truth - just pure honest truth.
I have always made it to where the teachers and principals have been free to call and tell me about the kids and I was on their side. I heard my child's side too, but if it were any other way - I feel that the child has feelings, stand for what they believe in, but for things that matter. Not something stupid like not being about to walk around throw up to get off the bus, that's ignorance. It's not worth fighting over. They have to learn what to stand up for and that would not be it.
I am proud of my babies. I love my babies. But, my babies are not perfect. They make mistakes. They fall and have to be helped up. But, I also know that my babies have accomplished many wonderful things and I look forward to all that they will accomplish in the future.
I am glad my children are not perfect, I am glad they make mistakes, I am glad that they fall and learn when they get themselves up and back on the right track. They learn on their way up and down. They remember where they comes from. I look forward to the future with my angels and angels to come.
But, don't be a fool. Sometimes you must respect the adult in authority to your child be removing the child from them to stop the constant problems with your child. If your child can't act correctly, that's not the schools fault or problem. It's your battle and its your child's battle.
Don't get me wrong, I know that there are times when we must stand up for our children, I am not dumb, I know that there are times to fight. But, make sure first. Don't let your child make you look dumb. I have learned that clearly. I have went in to fight for them and been made to look stupid because I was wrong and it was the child after all. So, investigate, hear from both sides - but, by all means - respect the school staff because if you don't, how will you expect the children to do it?
Okay, stepping down off the soap box...
I certainly believe that our children do not own the right to treat teachers, principals, coaches, and school staff with disrespect. I don't care if they are feeling judged or getting unfair treatment, that's when they should go to the parent, not take care of it themselves. I believe that the adults shouldn't mistreat the children either. I believe they should remain fair at all times. But, they are human.
If you had a room of 22 students and you have a continuous problem with one student, it seems to be resolved after talking to the parents, then it starts again, and you battle with the same child every time he's in your class, well, you begin to get frustrated with this kid. You would become agitated, you would begin to be hard and cold to that same child because of the problems he/she has caused. Do I blame them, no - I blame the child without a doubt.
That teacher standing at the front of the room is due respect at all times. There should be no reasons why a child should disrespect an adult, and especially not a teacher or any school staff. If your child can't behave and allow others to learn as well as allow the adult to do their job then the child should be removed. Not because of the child, but, out of respect for the teacher or authority figure they are answering to. Children need to learn that no matter what they do, they must answer to someone for the rest of their lives. Even if you choose not to work and/or continue education you will have to answer to yourself. They need to learn that happiness is their responsibility, it's not up to someone else to make you happy. Being happy comes from finding yourself, it's not something you read from a book, it's finding out who you are inside.
Teens really struggle here. They are to the point where they feel they can make their own decisions, that they can act like adults now by cussing, smoking, doing drugs, drinking, and the list goes on and on. I started smoking when I was 16, because I thought I was grown and could do that. Now, hindsight, 20 years later, I wish I would have never started. The try things and develop habits around this time allot of times. You may or may not be able to control that. I was a mother that said never.
My child will never do this or that, but, they have sure done this and that. The one thing my children have managed, is not having children too early. I am so proud of that. I believe that they will bring me grand babies. I just know they will. I can't wait to have them to spoil rotten. But when they are ready, not when I am ready.
I have pulled a child from a school because of the child not the school. Don't be ignorant and think that its the school responsibility to make it work for your unruly child. Think about it. Don't look at it your way - take yourself out. Think of a friend and their kids, if it were them and your friend asked advice, what would you tell them? What would you do if it were any other child? Think about that. It's the truth - just pure honest truth.
I have always made it to where the teachers and principals have been free to call and tell me about the kids and I was on their side. I heard my child's side too, but if it were any other way - I feel that the child has feelings, stand for what they believe in, but for things that matter. Not something stupid like not being about to walk around throw up to get off the bus, that's ignorance. It's not worth fighting over. They have to learn what to stand up for and that would not be it.
I am proud of my babies. I love my babies. But, my babies are not perfect. They make mistakes. They fall and have to be helped up. But, I also know that my babies have accomplished many wonderful things and I look forward to all that they will accomplish in the future.
I am glad my children are not perfect, I am glad they make mistakes, I am glad that they fall and learn when they get themselves up and back on the right track. They learn on their way up and down. They remember where they comes from. I look forward to the future with my angels and angels to come.
But, don't be a fool. Sometimes you must respect the adult in authority to your child be removing the child from them to stop the constant problems with your child. If your child can't act correctly, that's not the schools fault or problem. It's your battle and its your child's battle.
Don't get me wrong, I know that there are times when we must stand up for our children, I am not dumb, I know that there are times to fight. But, make sure first. Don't let your child make you look dumb. I have learned that clearly. I have went in to fight for them and been made to look stupid because I was wrong and it was the child after all. So, investigate, hear from both sides - but, by all means - respect the school staff because if you don't, how will you expect the children to do it?
Okay, stepping down off the soap box...
THANKFUL
I AM THANKFUL: ....
FOR THE WIFE
WHO SAYS IT'S HOT DOGS TONIGHT,
BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME,
AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.
FOR THE HUSBAND
WHO IS ON THE SOFA
BEING A COUCH POTATO,
BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME
AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS.
FOR THE TEENAGER
WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES
BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME, NOT ON THE STREETS.
FOR THE TAXES I PAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM EMPLOYED .
FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS.
FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.
FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE
FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING,
WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING,
AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME .
FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING
I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT
BECAUSE IT MEANS WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH.
FOR THE PARKING SPOT
I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT ....
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING ....
AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION .
FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM WARM.
FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH WHO SINGS OFF KEY ....
because it means I can hear.
FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.
FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES AT THE END OF THE DAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.
FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF
IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE.
AND FINALLY, FOR TOO MUCH E-MAIL
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE FRIENDS WHO ARE THINKING OF ME.
FOR THE WIFE
WHO SAYS IT'S HOT DOGS TONIGHT,
BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME,
AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.
FOR THE HUSBAND
WHO IS ON THE SOFA
BEING A COUCH POTATO,
BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME
AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS.
FOR THE TEENAGER
WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES
BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME, NOT ON THE STREETS.
FOR THE TAXES I PAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM EMPLOYED .
FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS.
FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.
FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE
FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING,
WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING,
AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME .
FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING
I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT
BECAUSE IT MEANS WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH.
FOR THE PARKING SPOT
I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT ....
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING ....
AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION .
FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM WARM.
FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH WHO SINGS OFF KEY ....
because it means I can hear.
FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.
FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES AT THE END OF THE DAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.
FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF
IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE.
AND FINALLY, FOR TOO MUCH E-MAIL
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE FRIENDS WHO ARE THINKING OF ME.
Cleaning Tips
Cleaning Tips
Category: Life
I am a firm believer in cleaning with natural supplies. I love to clean with things like, salt, lemon, baking soda, borax, limes, oranges, peroxide, things that won't harm the environment, but clean better than a store bought chemical cleaner.
Some things you should always have around the house, if you don't have the few things mentioned, then get them and put them in your cleaning supplies.
Baking Soda
Borax
White Vinegar
Lemons
Limes
Salt (household)
I get most ideas from BBC America - I watch How Clean is your house everyday.
I smile when I see them do things I already do at my home. Things they show will make you turn your eyebrow up and most of them I already do, or have done before.
You can check out their Cleaning Tips online at http://www.bbcamerica.com/content/100/tips.jsp
Here are some tips I already do at my home and that are featured on the show...
I got this list from the website. I thought I would share it...I have added a few things too..
Never throw away toothbrushes. They are great to use to scrub...
Tips For A Cleaner Home - By Aggie and Kim from the BBC America Channel who star in "How Clean is your House?"
In the Kitchen:
1. Tear off a sheet of aluminum foil big enough to fit your grill. Lay it shiny-side down and turn the grill on for 10-15 minutes. When you take the foil off, the greasy mess will be gone.
2. Cloudy drinking glasses will be sparkling clean again if you soak them in warm white vinegar for about an hour. Then rub gently with a dishcloth to remove the film.
3. If your chopping board smells, wipe with water and then rub in dry mustard. Leave for a few minutes, then rinse and dry.
4. Stainless Steel removes odors from your hands.
In the Bathroom:
1. Get rid of toilet bowl blockages and odors by pouring in one cup of baking soda once a week.
2. Clean your showerhead by filling a plastic sandwich bag with vinegar, and tying it to the head. Leave overnight and in the morning, scrub with a brush.
3. Remove watermarks and white rings by massaging mayonnaise into them and leaving overnight.
In the Living Room:
1. Slight scratches on furniture can be removed by rubbing them with a freshly cut Brazil nut or walnut.
2. Use a chunk of white bread to remove finger marks from wallpapers.
3. Use peanut butter to remove chewing gum from carpet.
Dealing with Creatures:
1. Repel mice with peppermint, baking soda, talc, or mothballs.
2. Repel moths with bay leaves, cloves, or black pepper.
3. Repel silverfish with lemon juice or cinnamon.
General Helpful Hints:
1. Remove crayon from walls with WD-40.
2. The tannic acid in tea makes it ideal for cleaning wooden floors.
3. Lemon juice works wonders on rust and fruit-based stains on clothes.
Category: Life
I am a firm believer in cleaning with natural supplies. I love to clean with things like, salt, lemon, baking soda, borax, limes, oranges, peroxide, things that won't harm the environment, but clean better than a store bought chemical cleaner.
Some things you should always have around the house, if you don't have the few things mentioned, then get them and put them in your cleaning supplies.
Baking Soda
Borax
White Vinegar
Lemons
Limes
Salt (household)
I get most ideas from BBC America - I watch How Clean is your house everyday.
I smile when I see them do things I already do at my home. Things they show will make you turn your eyebrow up and most of them I already do, or have done before.
You can check out their Cleaning Tips online at http://www.bbcamerica.com/content/100/tips.jsp
Here are some tips I already do at my home and that are featured on the show...
I got this list from the website. I thought I would share it...I have added a few things too..
Never throw away toothbrushes. They are great to use to scrub...
Tips For A Cleaner Home - By Aggie and Kim from the BBC America Channel who star in "How Clean is your House?"
In the Kitchen:
1. Tear off a sheet of aluminum foil big enough to fit your grill. Lay it shiny-side down and turn the grill on for 10-15 minutes. When you take the foil off, the greasy mess will be gone.
2. Cloudy drinking glasses will be sparkling clean again if you soak them in warm white vinegar for about an hour. Then rub gently with a dishcloth to remove the film.
3. If your chopping board smells, wipe with water and then rub in dry mustard. Leave for a few minutes, then rinse and dry.
4. Stainless Steel removes odors from your hands.
In the Bathroom:
1. Get rid of toilet bowl blockages and odors by pouring in one cup of baking soda once a week.
2. Clean your showerhead by filling a plastic sandwich bag with vinegar, and tying it to the head. Leave overnight and in the morning, scrub with a brush.
3. Remove watermarks and white rings by massaging mayonnaise into them and leaving overnight.
In the Living Room:
1. Slight scratches on furniture can be removed by rubbing them with a freshly cut Brazil nut or walnut.
2. Use a chunk of white bread to remove finger marks from wallpapers.
3. Use peanut butter to remove chewing gum from carpet.
Dealing with Creatures:
1. Repel mice with peppermint, baking soda, talc, or mothballs.
2. Repel moths with bay leaves, cloves, or black pepper.
3. Repel silverfish with lemon juice or cinnamon.
General Helpful Hints:
1. Remove crayon from walls with WD-40.
2. The tannic acid in tea makes it ideal for cleaning wooden floors.
3. Lemon juice works wonders on rust and fruit-based stains on clothes.
Finding Love Again
I find myself thinking and finding so much - I am happy, it is not about everyone else. It's about you, you are responsible for your own happiness. You never depend on another person for your personal happiness.
It started getting cold and rainy today, and I found myself turning on the heating blanket and turning up the heater, adding coffee to be made. It's cold outside and I realized, the last time I was this cold, I was laid up in the bed with John. Laying on his chest, as we played with word find books. My sense of being protected, safe and loved. We were still new then. Having a TV in the bedroom, we always have, we just turned it off more often then. I wish now we did that. We should start that again I think.
We have never not loved each other. I can't even think of a time when we weren't totally in love. I can't think of not being in love with him. We made promises to each other and we have kept those promises. Lately with my health, I have been thinking of those times. We have always been happy. I learned from my first marriage. From my abuser, that happiness was my responsibility. Noone else was in charge of my happiness but me.
I look around. Valarie who turns 21 in February, Daniel and Sarah who are married and share a home with Valarie are grown up and out on their own. Joseph, whom at 16 has moved out too. He is happy. I can't believe how happy he is. He had to take responsibility for his own happiness and he did just that. I can't believe how his Christmas was either, he and Lanay bought gifts for everyone. It made me cry to think that he thought of everyone here. My angel baby. What an amazing difference the change has made. Honestly, I don't think its about me just making him be here, I had to let go, to allow him to find his own happiness. I know that he will marry Lanay, and that's okay with me. I am happy to call her our daughter in law. I enjoyed having them here last weekend, for Christmas. I can't wait to have them here this coming weekend. I hope they come.
Well, my heart is full this 2009, as my year comes to an end.
I sat this morning, trying to get warm and all I could think about was gettin' him home.
I have him on my mind. I have no kids at home. I remember when the kids were young and all we could think about was being with eachother. Making love, with no kids at the door. Now that we have that, a silent house, we don't do that. What in the world.
He thinks about it, allot. I see it now, his suttle hints about loving time...I need to give in....
It started getting cold and rainy today, and I found myself turning on the heating blanket and turning up the heater, adding coffee to be made. It's cold outside and I realized, the last time I was this cold, I was laid up in the bed with John. Laying on his chest, as we played with word find books. My sense of being protected, safe and loved. We were still new then. Having a TV in the bedroom, we always have, we just turned it off more often then. I wish now we did that. We should start that again I think.
We have never not loved each other. I can't even think of a time when we weren't totally in love. I can't think of not being in love with him. We made promises to each other and we have kept those promises. Lately with my health, I have been thinking of those times. We have always been happy. I learned from my first marriage. From my abuser, that happiness was my responsibility. Noone else was in charge of my happiness but me.
I look around. Valarie who turns 21 in February, Daniel and Sarah who are married and share a home with Valarie are grown up and out on their own. Joseph, whom at 16 has moved out too. He is happy. I can't believe how happy he is. He had to take responsibility for his own happiness and he did just that. I can't believe how his Christmas was either, he and Lanay bought gifts for everyone. It made me cry to think that he thought of everyone here. My angel baby. What an amazing difference the change has made. Honestly, I don't think its about me just making him be here, I had to let go, to allow him to find his own happiness. I know that he will marry Lanay, and that's okay with me. I am happy to call her our daughter in law. I enjoyed having them here last weekend, for Christmas. I can't wait to have them here this coming weekend. I hope they come.
Well, my heart is full this 2009, as my year comes to an end.
I sat this morning, trying to get warm and all I could think about was gettin' him home.
I have him on my mind. I have no kids at home. I remember when the kids were young and all we could think about was being with eachother. Making love, with no kids at the door. Now that we have that, a silent house, we don't do that. What in the world.
He thinks about it, allot. I see it now, his suttle hints about loving time...I need to give in....
Recap of 2009 and some Resolutions for 2010
New Years - Recap of 2009 and Resolutions for 2010
Current mood: animated
Category: Life
Hi Everyone!
I just love that you all like to read my blogs. It makes me feel so warm and cozy.
For part of my Resolutions - I want to make it a point to write the blogs that you all like to read, and vamp up comments and discussions.
So, here we are at New Years Eve. The end of 2009.
This will be the 11th New Years that I bring in with John. We met face to face on New Years Eve of 1998. We brought in 1999 together as I said goodbye to 1998 - the worst year of my entire life. In 1998 I had been beaten and abused worse than the any of the years prior to 1998 by my ex-husband and abuser. He went to prison for 10 years for 4 counts of Arson (one including him setting our home on fire while the kids and I slept). I went to be on my on as a single mother of 4 children in 1999. We had our own house and we began doing very well finally. So, 1999 was brought in and it was the most improved year of my life. It was full of love and I got married on November 27, 1999.
Anyway - 2009 has been a rough and tough year. I started out 2009 going to Dr.'s. Being ill and starting with lots of Dr.'s. It didn't get any better as I plunged through 2009. Lots happened in 2009. Daniel had his last season of football in High School and made his first touchdown. Daniel graduated in 2009 and Sarah also graduated in 2009 after a senior year in high school with straight A's all year. Then Sarah and Daniel also got married in July of 2009. What a year. It was bittersweet.
Valarie moved out on her own in 2009. That was a tough one to swallow. But, I am so proud of her. I wish she would have let me move with her. My only baby girl, it is so sweet and I am more than proud of her and her life choices.
What a precious year to say goodbye to...
Current mood: animated
Category: Life
Hi Everyone!
I just love that you all like to read my blogs. It makes me feel so warm and cozy.
For part of my Resolutions - I want to make it a point to write the blogs that you all like to read, and vamp up comments and discussions.
So, here we are at New Years Eve. The end of 2009.
This will be the 11th New Years that I bring in with John. We met face to face on New Years Eve of 1998. We brought in 1999 together as I said goodbye to 1998 - the worst year of my entire life. In 1998 I had been beaten and abused worse than the any of the years prior to 1998 by my ex-husband and abuser. He went to prison for 10 years for 4 counts of Arson (one including him setting our home on fire while the kids and I slept). I went to be on my on as a single mother of 4 children in 1999. We had our own house and we began doing very well finally. So, 1999 was brought in and it was the most improved year of my life. It was full of love and I got married on November 27, 1999.
Anyway - 2009 has been a rough and tough year. I started out 2009 going to Dr.'s. Being ill and starting with lots of Dr.'s. It didn't get any better as I plunged through 2009. Lots happened in 2009. Daniel had his last season of football in High School and made his first touchdown. Daniel graduated in 2009 and Sarah also graduated in 2009 after a senior year in high school with straight A's all year. Then Sarah and Daniel also got married in July of 2009. What a year. It was bittersweet.
Valarie moved out on her own in 2009. That was a tough one to swallow. But, I am so proud of her. I wish she would have let me move with her. My only baby girl, it is so sweet and I am more than proud of her and her life choices.
What a precious year to say goodbye to...
NEW RAMBLES for 2010
We had our family Christmas on New Years Day. My brothers and their families came down for the weekend and we enjoyed some family time New Years Day and My nieces and their guys stayed here. It was great having them here.
We had a hiccup with medication where I ran out before I could get more. Normally it's given to me in samples, but - the Dr.'s office was out, then they called it in, but had to wait for approval of the medication through my insurance before I could get it. I went downhill so fast. By day 3 I was having trouble walking and not crying about every damn thing. So, I finally got it yesterday. It will take a few days to began working again so, thank goodness I can think it will get better in a few days anyway.
I go to the counselor tonight. I am nervous. I know I need to go and would help but, the thought of needing it bothers me allot. The Dr. thinks I need to go to help me deal with my health issues and problems I face, plus needed for my past, I don't know. I hate to think I have to sit across from a stranger and saying anything. Why can't I just share with a friend, family member? Oh, I don't know, maybe she'll be good, who knows.
I hate not feeling well. At dinner with my family on New Years Day I began to hurt and started to cry. I never cry but lately and w/ the loss of medication to control it, I cry about everything. I hate it so much. But, it's my life.
I really have nothing to be depressed about. Seriously, I have healthy children who are amazing and who are doing amazing. They are doing so great and I love them all. I am seriously happy for them, I miss them terribly. I tell you as a mother, dealing w/ children moving out has been really hard for me. I love them so much! I miss them, even though I know they must live on their own and support themselves I still wish they were here. So, I am dealing with that too.
I am doing a self examination right now and making changes. I am making a list and conquering them, I will probably make a list too and blog it.
See, it's hard to look at my life and see all that I can see. I stand back and look in and see that there is no reason for depression. Maybe dealing w/ illness, dealing w/ children leaving, dealing with loss, I don't know - whatever it is, I admit its time to get help. I am just loosing my mind sometimes I feel about it.
I watch things like intervention, hoarders. It scares me. I look around, and I see - I am a Hoarder aren't I? No, I am not. I give away and throw away. I am just not organized. I don't have tons of stuff, junk, I don't hoard - I just have my desk that needs organization. I need to get a few things organized and use my darn desk for more than just a holding cell.
I don't think I am an addict...I have questions though. I see these interventions and I watch them and enjoy them. But, It makes me think. Do I have a problem?
I don't drink much at all so I am not an alcoholic, I don't do any illegal drugs at all. Not even pot, I do nothing else. Then, I have my prescription medications. I will be asking the Dr. today about this too. Since I take prescription medication for depression, and the pain medications. I don't abuse them because its taken exactly like it's prescribed, I never run out before time to fill it, I never take more than I am supposed to. So, does it make me an addict because I take the prescriptions. I worry about that allot. I don't want anyone to think that about me. But, if you take it like your supposed to, then it's okay - right?
Anyway, I have friends to call, and can't seem to make myself pick up the phone. I will send some emails today to ease them and let them know I am okay. I just am not ready to talk to anyone yet. I need to let my medication get back in swing first. I have depression, I know that now. Even though I don't have a reason to be depressed, I am. The worse part, is I don't know why. Do I have reasons to be, sure I do, but it's past - not present or future. Its past. I mean over ten years old some of it, it's over and yet I just can't seem to pass it by. I could really use some forgetful medication. You know that tool that Men In Black uses to flash and make you forget - that's what I need! A flash that will erase it and make me forget it....then I would be okay I think.
I have so many thoughts of why and how and who and when - trying to figure out why he did what he did, why this, why that - I have got to let it go....write a book!
Well - that's enough for now!
Hope you are having a great day.
We had a hiccup with medication where I ran out before I could get more. Normally it's given to me in samples, but - the Dr.'s office was out, then they called it in, but had to wait for approval of the medication through my insurance before I could get it. I went downhill so fast. By day 3 I was having trouble walking and not crying about every damn thing. So, I finally got it yesterday. It will take a few days to began working again so, thank goodness I can think it will get better in a few days anyway.
I go to the counselor tonight. I am nervous. I know I need to go and would help but, the thought of needing it bothers me allot. The Dr. thinks I need to go to help me deal with my health issues and problems I face, plus needed for my past, I don't know. I hate to think I have to sit across from a stranger and saying anything. Why can't I just share with a friend, family member? Oh, I don't know, maybe she'll be good, who knows.
I hate not feeling well. At dinner with my family on New Years Day I began to hurt and started to cry. I never cry but lately and w/ the loss of medication to control it, I cry about everything. I hate it so much. But, it's my life.
I really have nothing to be depressed about. Seriously, I have healthy children who are amazing and who are doing amazing. They are doing so great and I love them all. I am seriously happy for them, I miss them terribly. I tell you as a mother, dealing w/ children moving out has been really hard for me. I love them so much! I miss them, even though I know they must live on their own and support themselves I still wish they were here. So, I am dealing with that too.
I am doing a self examination right now and making changes. I am making a list and conquering them, I will probably make a list too and blog it.
See, it's hard to look at my life and see all that I can see. I stand back and look in and see that there is no reason for depression. Maybe dealing w/ illness, dealing w/ children leaving, dealing with loss, I don't know - whatever it is, I admit its time to get help. I am just loosing my mind sometimes I feel about it.
I watch things like intervention, hoarders. It scares me. I look around, and I see - I am a Hoarder aren't I? No, I am not. I give away and throw away. I am just not organized. I don't have tons of stuff, junk, I don't hoard - I just have my desk that needs organization. I need to get a few things organized and use my darn desk for more than just a holding cell.
I don't think I am an addict...I have questions though. I see these interventions and I watch them and enjoy them. But, It makes me think. Do I have a problem?
I don't drink much at all so I am not an alcoholic, I don't do any illegal drugs at all. Not even pot, I do nothing else. Then, I have my prescription medications. I will be asking the Dr. today about this too. Since I take prescription medication for depression, and the pain medications. I don't abuse them because its taken exactly like it's prescribed, I never run out before time to fill it, I never take more than I am supposed to. So, does it make me an addict because I take the prescriptions. I worry about that allot. I don't want anyone to think that about me. But, if you take it like your supposed to, then it's okay - right?
Anyway, I have friends to call, and can't seem to make myself pick up the phone. I will send some emails today to ease them and let them know I am okay. I just am not ready to talk to anyone yet. I need to let my medication get back in swing first. I have depression, I know that now. Even though I don't have a reason to be depressed, I am. The worse part, is I don't know why. Do I have reasons to be, sure I do, but it's past - not present or future. Its past. I mean over ten years old some of it, it's over and yet I just can't seem to pass it by. I could really use some forgetful medication. You know that tool that Men In Black uses to flash and make you forget - that's what I need! A flash that will erase it and make me forget it....then I would be okay I think.
I have so many thoughts of why and how and who and when - trying to figure out why he did what he did, why this, why that - I have got to let it go....write a book!
Well - that's enough for now!
Hope you are having a great day.
Finding myself
Finding myself
Category: Life
What a year it's been for us. I have found myself in the missing fog. I walked around and found my way around. I fought through and on the other end, there was left, only me. I realized I had to be proud to be me, I had to know that I was who mattered. I needed to come true to who I was on the inside of my soul.
I had to back away - look inside and came out - as myself! True to me!
Anyway - I spent years having my own loud opinion - saying what I thought out loud, hurting feelings through the years of my words not being true to me. I would take my precious experience and try to show someone the truth, when I really shouldn't have said a word. So, I have changed over the years.
I spent a good many years having my brother mad at me. He really is still mad at me I guess. He's not that happy about me at all. To be honest, I don't think he ever was. I was pushed into a motherly role early in life. My childhood was spent watching my brothers so my parents could work their fingers to the bone. I was resentful, I was angry, I would fight them - and I was not a very kind babysitter. There were plenty of good memories for me, but, the only thing that my brother took from that time in our lives was bad. He resented me for years, and I never even knew it. We don't talk. We still don't talk - I did go through a time when I was close to him, after his divorce from his first wife and I was friends with his wife now too. We were close then, but I was slowly pushed away from that table. I don't try very hard, because I feel if there was a desired relationship there, it would be made known to me.
One thing I don't want to happen. As my health issues become known, I don't want people in my life to try to rekindle their love with me or get a relationship with me just to clear their conscience. I don't need that mess. Don't go clearing your conscience by pretending to care about me. Just be real and be yourself. We do keep things closed pretty much. I tell those who are closest to me, but, we don't go sharing with those who aren't a part of our lives. By being a part of my life, I mean being my friend, acting like a family member of mine. I blog about my health, so obviously its not a big hush hush private subject. But, I don't take time going to people and being specific about my life. There is no need to do that in my opinion.
Anyway - in the depth of my soul as I struggled to find myself - all I could see was fog. I called it the FOG in my life. It's just that. Troubles that are like clouds that settle in your heart and soul and in your life blocking you from the view of who you truly are deep within. I removed those clouds one by one as they covered my life with fog. I dealt with issues one by one. Slowly removing them and coming to terms with what was left, which was just me.
I have learned to like me, to love me, to choose me, to be ME!
I have always just been me, I don't pretend to be something or someone I am not.
I am who I am - I don't fake it, EVER! That's been most of my problem my whole life, I have been to true to who I am and showing who I was, always. But, even though I was me, true and real - I still had fog.
Mine was a dense fog, covering my soul. I sheltered myself from pain. At the first sight of pain or betrayal I either faced it head on and got angry with whoever, or I ignored it and hurt them first before they had a chance to hurt me.
It is a defense - that most people have. In order to spare your life the pain and anguish you put on that defense. You deal with it in your own way.
My abuser gave me the reason to hide myself, then the reason to be loud and annoying. But, I changed, not even with an effort. I just one day stopped and looked around, and realized that I had no reason to be annoying,loud, opinionated, or whatever. What was my reason for it? I had no reason. Not one reason!
This is part of my journal writing and in my book....
Almost Lost by Tracy Knight
Working on publishing
Category: Life
What a year it's been for us. I have found myself in the missing fog. I walked around and found my way around. I fought through and on the other end, there was left, only me. I realized I had to be proud to be me, I had to know that I was who mattered. I needed to come true to who I was on the inside of my soul.
I had to back away - look inside and came out - as myself! True to me!
Anyway - I spent years having my own loud opinion - saying what I thought out loud, hurting feelings through the years of my words not being true to me. I would take my precious experience and try to show someone the truth, when I really shouldn't have said a word. So, I have changed over the years.
I spent a good many years having my brother mad at me. He really is still mad at me I guess. He's not that happy about me at all. To be honest, I don't think he ever was. I was pushed into a motherly role early in life. My childhood was spent watching my brothers so my parents could work their fingers to the bone. I was resentful, I was angry, I would fight them - and I was not a very kind babysitter. There were plenty of good memories for me, but, the only thing that my brother took from that time in our lives was bad. He resented me for years, and I never even knew it. We don't talk. We still don't talk - I did go through a time when I was close to him, after his divorce from his first wife and I was friends with his wife now too. We were close then, but I was slowly pushed away from that table. I don't try very hard, because I feel if there was a desired relationship there, it would be made known to me.
One thing I don't want to happen. As my health issues become known, I don't want people in my life to try to rekindle their love with me or get a relationship with me just to clear their conscience. I don't need that mess. Don't go clearing your conscience by pretending to care about me. Just be real and be yourself. We do keep things closed pretty much. I tell those who are closest to me, but, we don't go sharing with those who aren't a part of our lives. By being a part of my life, I mean being my friend, acting like a family member of mine. I blog about my health, so obviously its not a big hush hush private subject. But, I don't take time going to people and being specific about my life. There is no need to do that in my opinion.
Anyway - in the depth of my soul as I struggled to find myself - all I could see was fog. I called it the FOG in my life. It's just that. Troubles that are like clouds that settle in your heart and soul and in your life blocking you from the view of who you truly are deep within. I removed those clouds one by one as they covered my life with fog. I dealt with issues one by one. Slowly removing them and coming to terms with what was left, which was just me.
I have learned to like me, to love me, to choose me, to be ME!
I have always just been me, I don't pretend to be something or someone I am not.
I am who I am - I don't fake it, EVER! That's been most of my problem my whole life, I have been to true to who I am and showing who I was, always. But, even though I was me, true and real - I still had fog.
Mine was a dense fog, covering my soul. I sheltered myself from pain. At the first sight of pain or betrayal I either faced it head on and got angry with whoever, or I ignored it and hurt them first before they had a chance to hurt me.
It is a defense - that most people have. In order to spare your life the pain and anguish you put on that defense. You deal with it in your own way.
My abuser gave me the reason to hide myself, then the reason to be loud and annoying. But, I changed, not even with an effort. I just one day stopped and looked around, and realized that I had no reason to be annoying,loud, opinionated, or whatever. What was my reason for it? I had no reason. Not one reason!
This is part of my journal writing and in my book....
Almost Lost by Tracy Knight
Working on publishing
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