How am I

Hello Everyone,
I have been getting allot of questions asking me how I am doing, how I am feeling, how things are going, I answer as best as I can for that moment in time. But, not really an answer. So, I thought I would answer. I am posting this to my website www.knightcabin.com and I am posting it to my blog spot and somewhere on my face book.

So, how am I doing?

Well, I am in general and in my opinion, doing better. I am not using my walker or wheelchair at this point hardly at all. Every now and then I might have a rough spot and have to use my walker. I only use the cane pretty much to get me up or down from sitting usually sometimes, not all the time. I hardly ever need it to assist me in walking. There were a few months there that I didn't have my insurance and couldn't go to the Dr. to get my normal meds like diabetic medication, high blood pressure meds, etc. The only thing I could do, was go to my pain management Dr. and barely afford my pain medication. I am happy to report that I have my insurance back and I am in the process of getting back on track. We had left off at getting ready to go to the Gastronologist (or however its spelled) we'll say the colon Dr.
Because colon cancer and stomach cancer runs in my family and I am having allot of trouble, the Dr. thinks our next stop is a colon dr. for a colonopscopy (colon check) shows it mis-spelled but spell check in failing me, so - just try to follow along. Anyway, the Dr. wants to rule out any possible tumors, masses, or anything else that may be causing me to bleed out somewhere else in my body, because - I am anemic. Then he wants me to go to a Hematologist and/or an Infectious Disease Dr. So, I am in a process of waiting.
In the meantime - I am taking one day at a time.
There have been some changes. Val has finally kicked that idiot to the curb and she's doing wonderfully. Growing more and more, every single day. I am so proud of her and happy for her. Daniel and Sarah are well. They are living the married life and struggling like everyone else. Sarah is working and Daniel is working two jobs and going to school - so, he's tired. But they are doing well. Joey is well, he just joined a Christian Band that started off from our church here in Whitney and Joey has his first job now. Travis is planning to learn to play the base/bass guitar and be a part of the band too. It's called reconcile. They both are going to high school, playing in a band and working. Travis just got his Goat "Clover" for his FFA project to show. So, we are excited for them as High School is really getting under way for both of them. With them working and doing the band, plus Travis with the goat they are certainly working hard. They are keeping up with school work and grades so far. Anyway.

I have my good days and I have my bad. I have days were I am in pain and it keeps me bed bound, and then I have days where I am not in so much pain that I can't cope. On low pain days I will exercise, clean house, get my physical things done. With the weather/season change, it's a little tough to cope sometimes. I have the season of fall moving through swiftly and when it begins its race - I begin to hurt all over. But, once it's through - I am much much better. So, I am working hard and overcoming many things.

Just taking it one day at a time.

I will see a colon Dr. first, then I will see which way we go from there.


So far my diagnoses are: Chronic Pain Syndrome, Fibromyalgia, Neuropathy, Trigeminal Neuralgia, high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes, anemia, high cholesterol, mass on my adrenal gland that's about it for the diagnosed part.

Things not diagnosed yet are:

problems with my colon, kidneys and bladder. Problems with ovarian cysts not diagnosed yet.

The Dr. believes there is an underlying illness not found yet. Auto Immune he's looking at - Such as Multiple Sclerosis - have been tested three times and no lesions on brain yet. Lupus, which has been checked and while the number was a little high it wasn't high enough to be diagnosed yet. Tested negative for Rheumatoid Arthritis.

So, while I do struggle every day. I am thankful.

I am battling depression badly right now. I find myself feeling hopeless, guilty. I have thought of ways to end it all, but have never tried. I wouldn't because of my babies.
I am on anti-depressants and I have been told and studied allot. Being depressed with chronic pain, or other chronic illnesses can have a allot to do with depression.

I can honestly tell you, I am doing my best.
I will say that being put on Morphine for my pain has been a 150% improvement.
It's been amazing and I thank God for allowing me to find the most amazing pain meangement Dr. and her ability to help me feel better and overcome.
I am a survivor of many things.

Let me say before I close, in the last few days - I have had severe pains in my hips and knees. Sometimes, I can't even get out of the bed. But, then there are times that I can. So - with that said, thanks for caring and loving me -

Tracy