January 2011

Hey Friends!
Been a while since my last blog anywhere. I promised myself that in 2011 that I would keep up and make sure this stays up to date. Trying to find something to write about can be, well, at times, it can be really tough. Other times I can pull a subject out of the air because it hits me and causes me to write. I am working on so many things for myself. I am making lists, following through. Holding myself accountable - well that is usually easy but there are times that I shift around and try to shift the blame elsewhere. I don't want to do that anymore. I want to be happy.
I am on a venture to find myself. I have spent almost 40 years not really sure of who I am. Holding on to guilt. Taking the blame when it wasn't mine to take. Giving in because of guilt. Whatever the case may be. I think the most important thing to remember is that we must forgive ourselves. I think we hold blame and guilt and we don't forgive ourselves for things that we should have no trouble forgiving ourselves for. I have slowly learned to forgive myself. I do believe that we should speak it out loud. Like this: I forgive myself for not leaving my abuser sooner, when my children were still young. It took a long time to reach that. Sometimes, I don't think I have fully forgiven myself. I have other things to deal with. I have things I still need to forgive myself for. I am working on it. As my children are getting older, I can see that I need to be fully in their lives and to stay close and in touch. That responsibility is on me too. Not just them.